http://www.sirnicolay.com I think I have a mild case of OC neurosis. I easily get obsessed with someone. I always feel compelled to make my life more complicated. I feel neurotic especially recently because I feel toxic. I am bothered that the 5 sentences so far begin with the egoistic I. They say I look intimidating, a snubbish elitist, or an unapproachable liberal maniac. Maybe they're right. Whenever I look at myself at the mirror, I see a child--yet bald, with facial hair, adult facial lines, wide eyes--and I feel cheated. There's so much more than what meets the eye. Most of the things I love doing are forms of solitaire: consuming books, cursing /envying well-directed films, singing along with my latest favorite songs. That's why I have to love alcohol. Otherwise I'll be cooped up in my autistic world. I am superstitious. I love numbers. I love nature--sheer color-combination in the skies during a sunset can give me an adrenalin rush. My real religion is the Arts; God is an excellent artist. I love the Philippines. I've been out of the country once--just recently--in Singapore (Oct-Nov 2008). Sure, I would love to visit the Europe, Africa and other Asian countries, but home is still here. I love teaching. It gives me a sense of purpose. It makes my life worthwhile. I am a middle child. Yes I do have THAT syndrome. I love my family and I am glad they understand why I have to leave them. I love being free. I hate sports. The only games I play are word games, card games, and mind games (which I also hate). I just don't get why people are fascinated with balls. And sweaty bodies. And all those muscles and curves while people are playing. Nyahahaha. I hate cellphones. I like cats. I have an attitude problem with authorities. I love walking and running. There is harmony in chaos. There is meaning in the meaninglessness of life. Love still makes the world go round. Life is breathtaking.