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Destination: Paradise

    As my dad drives towards our ultimate destination, I sit there quietly staring at the window, as my little brother is noisily chattering away. I was sitting there for almost an hour and a half. I would have dozed off into a nice deep sleep, but the thrill and excitement of thinking about spending another year spent here kept me awake. As I sat day dreaming about the things I would do when I get there, my dad called out in his deep voice saying that we were close to our destination. As I got out of the car and stretched my muscles and cracked my bones, I could feel my butt aching from two hours of sitting, but the view I got was rewarding. The view was exhilarating. The feeling was unexplainable as I looked on at this wonder that God has made. The cone shaped volcano was a wonderful view that I never got tired of seeing. This wonder of Tagaytay was truly worth the trip. I felt sad when it was time to go home as I have to leave this wonderful place, but I was happy for the fact that we were coming back again.

COMMENTS
Jonrty007 said at 7:53 p.m. on Jul 10, 2008:
Please leave some comments on my tabblo so that I will know what to improve. Thanks! :D
Wwwericsy said at 8:05 p.m. on Jul 10, 2008:
I really felt the way you were so anxious to get to your destination and how you felt when you finally got there. Though it wouldn't hurt to add more detail, it was a good paragraph.
Tabblo_gh0st said at 7:09 a.m. on Jul 11, 2008:
The pics are nice although a layout that shows bigger pics would be appreciated. Honestly, I think you could really add some more detail as this felt very short and I wasn't able to imagine everything. If this was a trip, wouldn't you talk about what happened and not just the beginning and the ending? Your essay could use some more detail and show off the pics more. The pics look great kasi eh! ;)
Sirnicolay said at 9:34 p.m. on Jul 11, 2008:
JR, your essay is short and concise--however, that is probably its biggest drawback as well. Next time, try to explore more about your given topic. The descriptions are not vivid enough for me, while the dominant impression is just floating somewhere. Please re-edit your essays next time. 85.
Ranteh62 said at 12:35 a.m. on Jul 12, 2008:
Hey JR. Now I know how you exactly how you feel when you travel to Tagaytay every year. :) The excitement of the paragraph kept flowing as I read it, but this is simple...too simple. You could have broadened the ideas more, and there is still a lot of space under your paragraph, dude. :-| Anyway, I was still impressed by the pictures and the atmosphere of the paragraph. It's a good essay, but I know you could still immerse yourself more into the writing. :)
Ranteh62 said at 12:36 a.m. on Jul 12, 2008:
Now I know exactly how you feel*....(sorry typo :P)
Tazzari said at 8:39 a.m. on Jul 12, 2008:
Whoa, it was pretty descriptive, but I believe you're able to make it more vivid. Try to fix the little grammatical errors, too. All-in-all, it was a pretty good piece of work.
Tristanjonel said at 10:02 a.m. on Jul 12, 2008:
Your essay is short, but very detailed. I can feel the impatience from having to wait for so long. However, it's kind of short. You should make your essays longer next time. Anyways, it's still a great job.
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