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My vakashuns - Part 1

I knew these were going 2 B da best vakashuns I ever had even B4 we landed at da Vodkaya Internationalskaya Airportskaya, in Peres Troyka, capital city of Boratkstan.

 

 

Da Airport is located in an abandoned parking lot. It's almost as safe as da airports we have in Arkansas. LOL LOL LOL

 

Well, my frens, I'll B back next week, with da second and last part of this trilogy. LOL LOL LOL

 

As Boratkskanians say, "hastalawystowsky, babyskaya"!

Da stewardess was very nice, and I guess she was also da pilot, cos da motor was always disconected when she had to serve da meals.

... and da meals were reelly good! yummy!!!

4 those who R ignorant in Geography, Boratkstan is a huge, large and very big country somewhere in Asia (see map). It's da worlds most important producer of yak excrement and camembert cheese.

 

It's hard 2 distinguish one for da other, cos da taste is da same LOL LOL LOL.

Boratkstanian dogs R famous 4 their great sense of humour. 

 

Here is a typical Boratkstanian dog joke:

 

What do you call a Boratkstanian dog with no legs?

 

It doesn't matter what you call it, it still won't run!

 

LOL LOL LOL

Da tradishunal music is called Spoonska.

 

It's a mix of polka and Celine Dion's cat being run over. It's very melodic, in spite of the use of only 3 notes.

 

None of them in the right tune.

Boys bands R also very popular in Boratkstan.

Boratkstanians are not much into safe sex...

In spite of dat, they haff da safest rubbers in da world!

 

LOL LOL LOL

And their submarines R perfect. They R unsinkable!! LOL LOL LOL

Their cars haff a very fashionable design...

 

 

On da left, Duwayne and Uncle Tony in da Subway.

Don't know why this monument was erected, but it's very well erected... LOL LOL

Da Blackskaya Houseskaya is where da President lives, with his family (wife, 17 kids, mother-in-law, personal killer and Rasputin, his bear).  

Kondoleezskaya Risottskaya  is da Secretary of Province (in Boratkstan they have provinces, like Canada, not states, like us).  She is da strongest woman in da government. LOL LOL LOL

Policemen & policewomen R sex symbols everywhere in da world, and that couldn't B different in Boratkstan.

Boratkstanians love horse races, and some horses become celebrities. They only can walk in the streets under disguise LOL

Da phonographic industry in Boratkstan doesnt know da meanin of da word "crisis". Unlike da rest of da world, Celine Dion's CDs are not considered useless here.

Instead of oil, gas or electricity, buses use a local fuel, made from potatoes, beef, salad and pizza.

LEARNIN BORATKSTANIAN

 

Useful expreshuns (every tourist will need them, believe me):

 

1. Halpskaya! Miet clocska stolskaya!

(Help! My watch was stolen!)

2. Wersky kloskaya fookovski shopska?

(Where is da nearest pornoshop? )

3. Foodskaya rottenkovski

(There must have been something I ate)

4. Speekska trustkaya niet!

(I told U not 2 trust her!)

5. Ohshitskaya! Speekska niet visarov masterkardov amexrov niet akcepstovska!

(Oh, no! Don't tell me U don't accept credit cards!).

Boratkstanian limos are so chic, aren't they??

During Summer, even da bears need a break.

Boratkstan is a very liberal country. Gay couples can B seen every where. Oh no, OMG! These are Duwayne and my Daddy, in da frontdoor of our hotel. LOL LOL LOL 
COMMENTS
Gretel said at 12:31 p.m. on Dec 7, 2007:
LOL LOL
Leftofcenter said at 10:00 p.m. on Dec 7, 2007:
first of all little sis, WHY Boratkstan??? who's your friendly travel agent?? i'm glad i went to Italy instead of joining you, loser Duwayne and Uncle Tony, btw that's MY green tulle Cleopatra top hat he's wearing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Floridamolle said at 10:04 p.m. on Dec 7, 2007:
Ha-ha-haHa-ha-haHa-ha-haHa-ha-haHa-ha-haHa-ha-haHa-ha-haHa-ha-haHa-ha-haHa-ha-haHa-ha-haHa-ha-haHa-ha-haHa-ha-
haHa-ha-ha.....................Genius Ha-ha-ha.............Wonderful Ha-ha-haHa-ha-ha
Ha-ha-haHa-ha-haHa-ha-haHa-ha-haHa-ha-haHa-ha-ha.....................................
Pkeener said at 10:09 p.m. on Dec 7, 2007:
I guess Anders needed a laugh tonight. Hey sis, Gretel must have been in 7th heaven with all the homage paid to Celine. gretel, this looks exhausting. Not like a vacation at all. Gretel, If its a Trilogy, it needs THREE parts!
Gretel said at 10:09 p.m. on Dec 7, 2007:
I was going to Tuvalu, for da baby recall (some of da Tuvaluvian babies started to behave like republicans, and they will be replace by real human beings, LOL LOL LOL). Well, then I changed my mind, opened my Atlas and... voilà!... found dat wonderful country, which is near Tabblowstan (land of da fractals). OMG, you recognized your green tulle Cleopatra top hat! Hope you had something else to wear while we were traveling LOL LOL
Gretel said at 10:10 p.m. on Dec 7, 2007:
Sorry, AndersMolle, wot kind of Swedish dialect R you speekin??? LOL LOL
Leftofcenter said at 10:16 p.m. on Dec 7, 2007:
HA HA HA HA that's Swedish for "while my guitar gently weeps" no??? LOL LOL
Pkeener said at 10:20 p.m. on Dec 7, 2007:
I thot , er i mean thought, it was WHile my Guitar gently Sleeps??? Gretel!! You had better be nice to that baby. You can't just treat it like Wilbur or Steven, or your granny!
Pkeener said at 10:21 p.m. on Dec 7, 2007:
Gretel, this is a MASTER PIECE. You have certainly earned your Red Beret, and you didnt even have to make a fractal
Leftofcenter said at 10:24 p.m. on Dec 7, 2007:
you mean a masta peace??? there u go again sayin' the F word............ you're going to be flagged baby!!!
Gretel said at 10:27 p.m. on Dec 7, 2007:
Why R U so narrow minded, Pammie Spammie? Da trilogy is mine, and it has as many parts as I wish. LOL LOL As our dear Celine says... "Le monde est tout près du bonheur / Na na
Na na na na / Ils s'aiment / Na na na, na na na na! Na na". Dunno wot it means, but I love da " na na na na na". Sounds more or less like AndersMolle laffin... LOL LOL LOL
Pkeener said at 10:28 p.m. on Dec 7, 2007:
OOOPS. Sorry, gretel, lil sis. I promise never to use the F word again. Hey! Maybe we should start a new group?? For F word tabblos
Gretel said at 10:29 p.m. on Dec 7, 2007:
Oh, yess, I'm all ready ready 2 make a F@#$%tal. It will B my masterpiss!! LOL LOL LOL
Pkeener said at 10:32 p.m. on Dec 7, 2007:
I hope U dont lose any sleep over it, though
Floridamolle said at 10:32 p.m. on Dec 7, 2007:
Well Gretel the dialect is called Svenska, one of the most common Swedish dialects spoken here in Florida. So for instance :
1. Hjälp! Min klocka är stulen= Halpskaya! Miet clocska stolskaya!
2.Var är närmaste porraffären?= Wersky kloskaya fookovski shopska?
Leftofcenter said at 10:39 p.m. on Dec 7, 2007:
well na na na na is the best part of those French tear jerkers, you're better off learning some Svenska if they are ole ova Florida, that's close to Arkansas no?
Leftofcenter said at 10:40 p.m. on Dec 7, 2007:
and how's that poopy diaper baby of yours, has a name yet? does Duwayne change diapers??? (gawd, just the thought..)
Gretel said at 10:40 p.m. on Dec 7, 2007:
Tack, AndersMolle. Svensken är nästan så rolig som Boratkstanska... LOL LOL LOL (oops... SUH SUH.. SUH... = skratta ut högt!!!!)
Gretel said at 10:42 p.m. on Dec 7, 2007:
Oh, I foregot to tell you: Duwayne kept da diapers, and changed da baby! LOL LOL LOL
Pkeener said at 10:49 p.m. on Dec 7, 2007:
Gretel, did you bring back any Chocolate Chip cookies?
Gretel said at 10:54 p.m. on Dec 7, 2007:
No, Pammie, but I brought lots of garlic icecream. Would you like some??
Floridamolle said at 10:56 p.m. on Dec 7, 2007:
I know where you learned Svenska, I spread my dialect there when I lived in Ark. it's like a good virus. It let people like Pammie use bad words without getting jumped on by Leftie. Instead of the F-word, just use the Svenska Kn-word, you can even use it in the church without reprimands. In movies they can use all Svenska bad words and all the annoying BEEPs will soon be gone.
Leftofcenter said at 10:59 p.m. on Dec 7, 2007:
kram andersmolle!
Floridamolle said at 11:00 p.m. on Dec 7, 2007:
Kram själv......Hmmm. The virus is spreading LOL!! I mean SUH!!!
Gretel said at 11:11 p.m. on Dec 7, 2007:
Franska kyssar, AndersMolle!!! SUH SUH SUH
Gretel said at 8:15 a.m. on Dec 8, 2007:
Hi, Jan Van!
Hi, Beth Cartin!
Hi, Tishy Fishy!
Hi, Dar Ling!
Hi, Balint Sucks!
Hey, Jude!
Hi, Holly Rataskaa!
Hi, Bethe 2enty Seven!
Hi, Ned Bat Chelder!
Hi, Connie!

Thank U 4 your kind & silent visit! LOL LOL LOL
Shenresi said at 11:55 a.m. on Dec 8, 2007:
This is wonderful Gretel. I`m really loughing out very loud when I looked at this tabblo. From where do you took all this wonderful " nonsens " ?
Pkeener said at 12:00 p.m. on Dec 8, 2007:
Correction: This is a MASTER PEACE
Wflorence said at 1:39 p.m. on Dec 8, 2007:
Gretel, you have finally outdone yourself. Outstanding Tabblo. Don't know how you do it. I bow to your amazing talent.
Pkeener said at 4:10 p.m. on Dec 8, 2007:
TABBLOWSTAN???? I agree with Bill. gretel, that map is priceless.
Gretel said at 4:31 p.m. on Dec 8, 2007:
o shenresi u r an angel to say dat. but dats yr first name, rite? LOL LOL. Bill Florence, i m gled u haff made a comment and u enjoyed my vacashuns. u can view it lik a slide show, n pop some pop corn. Pammie, wot iz so funny about dis map? These kuntries r so beuty full. and tabblowstan iz where i trained to B a Frak-tell artist. LOL LOL
Gretel said at 9:51 a.m. on Dec 9, 2007:
Hi, Sterlingray!
Hi, Aprilwhya!
Hi, Ed Weirdo!
Hi, Shector!
Hi, G.R.C.C.!
Hi, Linda Request!
Hi, Victor Barrueco!

I know U havent left comments cos you cant find da proper words! LOL LOL LOL
Pkeener said at 10:25 a.m. on Dec 9, 2007:
Dont worry about the lack of comments, lil sis. People are just shy. What is important is that you are creating and expressing yourself. Other peoples opinions, are just that. Maybe you should go view my Tabblo: LIBERTE D'EXPRESSION
Lifequest22 said at 11:02 a.m. on Dec 9, 2007:
Pam-you are so right. I just couldn't find the words to express myself yesterday. But now that i've had time this morning to gaze at this fascinating tabblo, i can comment. Gretel-thanks for the tour of Boratkstan; looks like a fascinating place to visit with an interesting culture. Does Boratkstan have good chocolate chip cookies?
Leftofcenter said at 11:09 a.m. on Dec 9, 2007:
they have boyz bands!!!
Eduardo.affonso said at 9:30 a.m. on Dec 10, 2007:
Like Linda Quest, I couldn't find the words to express my feelings, GRETEL. I still can't. All I can do is repeat tabbloers mantra: "thanks for sahring, thanks for sharing". I have a huge collection of stamps, but it will never be complete without some Boratkstanian ones. Why didn't you send me a postcard, at least?
Loes said at 11:34 a.m. on Dec 10, 2007:
This is the most interesting country I've ever seen here on tabblo!!! LOL LOL
Gretel said at 11:53 a.m. on Dec 10, 2007:
Pammie Spank, i agree with u. Freedom of Repression is my new mantra. Linda Liferequest, i m so gled u liked my vakashun Tabblow. Dey haff da best chocolate chip cookies iin da werld, almost as gud as yr brownies! LOL LOL!. Edweirdo, finally u haff commented. i did not sen u a post card from da edge coz i wuz 2 bizzy tryin 2 keep Duwayne n my daddy apart. Thanx Loes so mutch 4 commenting n njoying my Master Peace.
TavarES said at 12:08 p.m. on Dec 10, 2007:
I'm impressed with his criticism humorous! They are influences of Borat !? I like the irony with humor.
Pkeener said at 2:37 p.m. on Dec 10, 2007:
Gretel, I see that airport is almost as safe as the one in Sao Paulo, where our dear Edweirdo flies.
Gretel said at 2:47 p.m. on Dec 10, 2007:
Oh dear TaVaReS (like you, I luv capitals! Dats why I luv NY LOL), Borat was influenced by me - it was my idea 2 invite him 2 visit America and make dat funny movie. In return he invited me 2 waste, oops, 2 spend my vakashuns in Boratkstan. His grand parents emigrated from Boratkstan to Khazakstan during WW 0.5 (an unknown World War that happened 6 months prior 2 World War 1, involving da King of Tabblowstan and da Queen of Fraktalstan - da King won and Fraktalstan doesnt exist any mor). I like irony with humor, 2. I like every thing with humor. Incluing bad humor. LOL LOL LOL.
Gretel said at 4:06 p.m. on Dec 10, 2007:
Do U live in Sao Paolo, Ed Weirdo? I tot you lived in Rio! De Janeiro! My-o me-o... I go wild and then I haff 2 do the samba, and la bamba... (Evreybody!) Copa! Copacabana!! Da hottest spot north of Havana, @ da Copa, Copacabana LOL LOL LOL No matter if da airports R not safe, it must B great 2 live in Central America, isn't it Ed Weirdo? LOL
DEE-Trow said at 4:43 p.m. on Dec 10, 2007:
Gretel, you have quite a sense of humor!
Domieb2 said at 5:08 p.m. on Dec 10, 2007:
<Wiping the tears from my eyes> HAAAAA!!! I'm still laughing about the statue... LOL!!!!!
Domieb2 said at 5:21 p.m. on Dec 10, 2007:
...I had to come back! This is the funniest anything ever... Laughing so hard it HURTS!
Pkeener said at 6:43 p.m. on Dec 10, 2007:
I agree! Gretel is on quite a roll here. Hey, lil mis sunshine! Slooow down. Promise me you will not defile my favorite of all time, Tom Jobim. To me, he IS Brasil. Oh and you better check that encyclopedia you have forgotten. Brasil is in SOUTH ANERICA Just ask Liliana!
Mdsf said at 8:34 p.m. on Dec 10, 2007:
Gretel, I will definitely go on "vacashions" to "dat" wonderful region where Boratkstan is. I wonder if you can give me some hints for nice places to visit and people to meet. I know you have an excellent taste, so I'll plan my trip based on your expertise. Bacci!
Ebucar said at 11:26 p.m. on Dec 11, 2007:
I would say these guys have a real good taste for 'healthy' food and monuments, huh?LOL. Ed Weido (sorry, Eduardo, that's hilarious!) , how is our country doing? Oh la la... I love samba... Tom Jobin... Copabana, etc, etc, ... Some time ago someone asked me if Brazil was in Africa. BTW, Gretel, thanks for the great geography lesson. Boy, these things have changed a lot since I was in school. LOL...LOL...
Swedfinn said at 3:09 a.m. on Dec 12, 2007:
Ha-Ha, Thanks,You saved my day! You are genious!
Gretel said at 4:53 a.m. on Dec 12, 2007:
Dear Dee Throw, my granny says in our family we dont have any sense of humor. We have a NON SENSE of humor LOL LOL LOL
Gretel said at 4:57 a.m. on Dec 12, 2007:
Well come 2 da gang, Domi Nick! I luv your avatar. U look like my granny when she has an athsma attack LOL LOL
Gretel said at 5:12 a.m. on Dec 12, 2007:
Pammie Spammie, lemme sing a song 4 you:

It's da end of da vakashun,
It's heaven, it's hell,
It's a lack of imaginashun,
It's a nu frack tell LOL LOL LOL

By da way, does Lilly Anna live in Brazil? Oh, yes, of course... she lives in Brazilian capital, Beunos Aires! Miiii Beunos Aires queriiiiido.... Copa! Copacabana!! I love these central american rhytms, like samba, rumba and tapioca. LOL LOL
Gretel said at 5:24 a.m. on Dec 12, 2007:
Mario, how are your bros? LOL LOL I'll give all da tips. You cant miss da best restaurant in Peres Troyka. Its name is Olga Volga ("Olga's nightmare", according 2 my Babelwhale - da only online translator dat includes Boratkstanian). There's nothing speshul about da food, but this restaurant has da best location in town: in front of da City Hospital. LOL LOL They serve zbruzka, a delicious vodka made of garlic.
Gretel said at 5:32 a.m. on Dec 12, 2007:
Eboo Car, you still know nothing about da Boratkstanians... If you think they have a strange taste for food and monuments, wait until you have sex with them! LOL LOL Well, 'I'm still like Italian olive oil (extra virgin), but my granny seems to have enjoyed a lot her "contacts" with da locals. So you have been to Brazil! Oh, what a lovely country: samba, caipiriña and anacondas... Has it really moved 2 Africa?? Yes, my dear, things haff changed a lot since we were in school. It was 1990 then, now it's 2007... I was fat, now I'm obese... LOL LOL
Gretel said at 5:38 a.m. on Dec 12, 2007:
Hi, Svenska Suomi! OOps, Swede Finn... How many seconds did it take for U 2 notice I am a genious?? LOL LOL Wish I could save da world, like da Powerpuff Girls, but it's fine 2 save some one's day once in a while LOL
Gretel said at 7:51 a.m. on Dec 12, 2007:
Hi, Brian Conan Doyle!
Hi, Gray Haris 2!
Hi, Eddie!
Hi, Being Julia!
Hi, Toinette!
Hi, Dacs 30!
Hi, Reta!
Thanks for your kind visit!

Hi, Celine Dion! Thanks for your SILENT visit! LOL LOL LOL
Gretel said at 10:44 a.m. on Dec 12, 2007:
Hi, Guest! You have visited this tabblow 91 times till now! Did you really find it so funny - or couldn't you still under stand da jokes? LOL LOL LOL
Pkeener said at 1:55 p.m. on Dec 12, 2007:
Gretel, i am so proud of your social graces by making all of you guests feel important and welcome. good job sweetie
Chiloedream said at 3:00 p.m. on Dec 12, 2007:
""" L'art du clown va bien au-delà de ce qu'on pense. Il n'est ni magique, ni comique. Il est le miroir comique de la tragédie et le miroir tragique de la comédie. """ (André Suarès, Remarques, Essais sur le clown). Great ELLE, ton imagination est fertile... salut mon amie.
Liliana said at 3:17 p.m. on Dec 12, 2007:
Gretel!!!! I can´t belive it! You went to Boratkstan and have not written it before your trip! I have a Boratkstanian student living here, who is not alowed to have communications with his family, it would be great that you would be like a spy...!!! But you can do it in your next vacations...
I loved your photos, specialy the limos and the submarines. I am waiting for the Part 2, I think there you will show the nature (the lakes, the hills and mountais). Have you visited Askitotov Lake? And the Pingasheva Mountains...? And the Vagunzachevo Wood? My student (Petrovitcho Fedororich) has taken some pics there and are really beautifull!
BTW, I was thinking to go there next summer (now is summer, ha,ha...).
I am glad you have had so exciting and original vacations!!!
Gretel said at 4:43 p.m. on Dec 12, 2007:
Thanx Pammie Spammie, I'm really gracefully socialist, and I do my best to make even da most insignificant, worthless tabblower feel important here LOL LOL LOL
Gretel said at 4:46 p.m. on Dec 12, 2007:
Thierry, j'aime vos commentaires en Français. Je ne comprends pas rien mais ils retentissent merveilleux! RDF RDF RDF (rire dehors fort).
Gretel said at 5:02 p.m. on Dec 12, 2007:
Lilly Anna, you must visit Boratkstan soon - before it's over.

Of course I visited Pingasheva Mountains, they are a nashional treasure. As U probably know they R da lowest mountains in da world (only 3 inches high).

Askitotov Lake, due 2 da global warmth, is now a shoppin center.

And Vagunzachevo Woods, in da Endofdawordstan border, were sold 2 Al Gore and Leo Di Caprio, who seem to have cut all da trees to build a huge studio where only ecologicaly alarmist movies will be shot. Isn't dat wonderful?

Please tell Petrovitcho Fedorovich I have met his identical twin brother, Fedrovitcho Petrorovich. He was our tour guide, body guard and watch thief. A really nice boy. LOL LOL LOL
Pkeener said at 5:03 p.m. on Dec 12, 2007:
i thought you might become a socialist, now that you are an artist. hanging out with other liberal radical thinkers.
Liliana said at 8:37 p.m. on Dec 12, 2007:
Wow, I think Petro (sorry, it is shorter to say, so we call him Petro) has quite old info!!!
Al Gore and Leo...? Strange mix, of course!! I am sure they will put new trees and will make a new film: "How we, people from all the Wordl, save the Earth"...
The lake, a shopping center? What do they sell, bottles with the water from the "ex-lake"... ?
I am thinking about... Pingasheva Mountains ... and Hugh Grant!! Now, I know he hasn´t bought them (he´s an English gentleman), but I remember "The Englishman who climbed a hill and down-or something like this- a mountain". Have you seen this film??? I don´t know if you would understand it, it is funny but vry ironic. So... Pingasheva Mountains...or hills?
About Fedrovitcho Petrorovih, I guess that is a codename. Maybe you don´t know, but it is the name the boys in Boratkstan use to seduce women from the States... because they want to leave the country with them and settle down in, I don´t know, Iowa, Colorado, Florida, Arkansas...!! Take care if he wrte you soon!!
Pkeener said at 9:04 p.m. on Dec 12, 2007:
LOL LOL LOL LOL
Love2laugh said at 9:03 p.m. on Dec 13, 2007:
LOL... what can I say ??? LOL
Anjad said at 10:09 a.m. on Dec 14, 2007:
ROTFL Great fun Gretel. I can see you had a hell of a time there!
Krisu said at 11:25 a.m. on Dec 14, 2007:
I say only this: LOL! and L-O-L !!!
Decoy said at 10:49 a.m. on Jan 22, 2008:
thanks for the guidance, Borakstan seems to be a special place! =)
Shenresi said at 9:26 a.m. on Jan 23, 2008:
It`s too funny- great !!
Swedfinn said at 9:39 a.m. on Jan 23, 2008:
you bring back my memories from Moscow! thanks a lol!!
Abking said at 6:41 p.m. on Jan 23, 2008:
This is terrific. You've shown the folks of Boratkstan to be people just like us! I love 2 part trilogies. Keep up the good work!
DanMan said at 1:07 a.m. on Oct 24, 2008:
COOL!
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